Dedicated Toward Our Feathered Friends

"THE THOROUGHBREDS OF THE SKY"

On RACE DAY 

it's not just How Fast they can fly...It's the

"FIRST BIRD IN" that we look for.

                                                                    

 

 

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Pigeon Jokes

Two Old Fanciers Baby Pigeon A Big Hole
A Talking Pigeon Dear Abby Finer Pigeon Sale
Super 4110 A Bum A Little Pigeon Poem

Do you want to know why the chicken really crossed the road?

It wanted to be a pigeon. 

                                    JUST JOKES

A Little Pigeon Poem

Why live with pigeons? There's danger you know,
Can't adopt just one, the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger,
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer (and stranger?).

One pigeon is so funny, and two are no trouble,
The more, the merrier, they're all so delightful.
The third is a honey, the fourth one's a breeze,
You can live in a house full, with the greatest of ease.

So how 'bout another -- or two if you must?
They're really quite easy, but oh Lord, the dust.
With pigeons on furniture, and pigeons in bed,
And their toys and things, "It's no bother," you've said.

So, invite some more pigeons, you can always find room,
And a little more time, for the dust cloth and broom.
There's hardly a limit, to the pigeons you add,
The thought of a cutback, sure makes you sad.

Each one is so special, so unique and so funny,
Food and care bills grow larger, you spend much more money.
Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other bird folks, who live the same way.

Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then your pigeon pals fly over, and into your lap.
Their coos say your special, and you know that you will,
Keep your feathered friends, in spite of the bill.
 

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Two Old Fanciers

 

Two old Fanciers, Abe and Sol, are sitting in Sol’s loft feeding the pigeons and talking about the races they had flown, and all the narrow wins they had won, which they liked to talk about everyday.

Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there is pigeons racing going on in Heaven?”

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if they are racing pigeons in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.”

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting out in the loft, watching his birds and missing Abe, when he hears a voice whisper, “ Sol…Sol…”

Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”

“Yes it is, Sol.” whispers Abe’s ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, “SO, is there pigeons races in Heaven?”

“Well,” says Abe,” I’ve got good news and bad news for you Sol.”

“Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.

Abe says,” Well…there is pigeon races in Heaven.”

Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?”

Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re shipping with us Friday Night.”

 

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Baby Pigeon

A mother pigeon and a baby pigeon were going to race together in Old Bird Season.

But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."

The baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" said the mother.

"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"

 

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A BIG HOLE

Little Tim was outside in the back yard digging a big hole in the corner of the yard.  He had been out there for a while really making this hole very large and deep. 

The neighbor had been watching him for some time through her kitchen window and decided to go out and find out what was going on.

"Tim, why are you digging such a big hole in the yard?" she asked.

Tim did not even look up but spoke in anger, "Because my pigeon died"

"I am so sorry to hear that Tim" she said.  "But why are you digging such a big hole?"

Tim replied, "Because your damn cat is in there too."

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A Talking Pigeon

 

Mr. Don Rice was walking down the street and as he was passing the local pet store, he saw a sign on the window that read “A Talking Pigeon.”

Now, Don had seen a lot of things in his life, but he could not recollect ever hearing a pigeon talk, so he went into the store and looked around and saw this one pigeon perched over in the corner.  He walked up to the bird and stood there gazing at it for a moment or two, then asked the bird, “Do you really talk?”

“Well yes, as a matter of fact I do.” Said the pigeon.  And the bird tend to go on in a constant chatter that barely gave it time to take breath.

“Yes I talk.  Fluently in seven different languages.  It was something I picked up while working with the FBI, the CIA and a few other organizations that I cannot tell you about. A number of years ago when I carried a hidden camera under my wing I was released at strategic locations in Russia, China, Iraq, Iran and for a few years over in Korea.  I would fly over areas that the CIA wanted pictures of and just seem to pick up the language very easily.  There were many times that I had better information to report than the pictures I took would reveal.”

“I was soon used for more Top Secret missions and I was given the code name of Stooly.  I was even assigned a few times to the ledges of the White House where I often saw and heard Bill Clinton making love all night long.  I may have single handedly started the war on terrorism when I reported that Saddam may have been working on weapons of mass destruction.”

“They retired me when I came back from Houston with information about Enron, I never understood exactly why they took me off duty, but I was trying to tell them that…”

Don had to interrupt the bird to find out how much he was going to be sold for.  He walked over to the manger of the store and asked how much the bird cost.

The owner replied, “Ten Bucks.”

“Ten Dollars!” Don cried out.  “Why would you sell this bird for such a low price?”

“Because he is a chronic liar and he is not a very good photographer.”

 

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Dear Abby

 

Dear Abby, Dear Abby,

You won't believe this.

I'm in Love with a Bird

I call her "Lit'l Miss".

For testing TRUE LOVE

You should set one Free.

If it's the Real Love

She'll Come back and you'll see.

Oh Abby, Dear Abby,

"Lit'l Miss" passed the test,

Fifty miles I did take her

She came back to rest.

Every mornin' I'd haul her

Further than before.

She even beat me home

I'd find her waitin' by the door.

Abby, this bird

Is as fast as I've seen.

Her eyes are so bright 

A shade of light green.

I have other birds here

but "Lit'l Miss" flies alone,

Often in circles

Right here over home.

I took her eighty miles

Just yesterday's dawn,

Of the crowd that was with her

She was the First to my lawn.

Oh Abby, this bird 

Has stolen my heart,

Which brings up my question

About the races that start.

Dear Abby, Dear Abby,

I've medicated and fed,

But thoughts of this hen

I dream of in bed.

With the race season starting 

She might be a star,

But I know I will miss her 

If she's away too far.

Oh Abby, Dear Abby

I write this in awe,

Because my friends all tell me

I have no friends at all.

Well, Abby I wonder

Am I too close to this Hen?

Does it make me a Bird Brain?

When I think of nothing but Win.

For six weeks of racing

I've spent nine months to prepare.

For every Dollar I could win

I'll spend five on the Care.

Every time my wife needs me

I'm spending time in the loft

Holding "Lit'l Miss'

and petting her soft...

This Hen's brother, Dear Abby,

Won me Eight Hundred Bucks.

She could possibly win more

But losing her would suck.

So Abby what I'm asking;

If you understand any of this?

What would you be doing

If you had a Bird like "Lit'l Miss"?

                    Signed: B. Wildered

Dear, Oh Dear B. Wildered,

Your note did come in.

I looked at it twice

Then read it again.

B. Wildered, B. Wildered,

Your letter spoke of

All the feelings you have

About this BIRD that you Love.

IF I were Your Wife

I would pitch you your Bed.

You could live in that loft

Till YOUR BIRD FELL DEAD.

B. Wildered, B. Wildered,

YOU ARE THE COMPLAINT.

You are what you are

And you ain't what you ain't.

So listen up Buster

And listen up good

Stop looking for Bad Luck

Stop Knocking on Wood.

If "Lit'l Miss" Tuffit

is flying good for you,

I'll tell you exactly..

the thing You Should Do!

If the races begin

and she's still up for the Meet

I've enclosed Twenty Dollars

to pool 'cross the sheet.

If she comes in First

and wearing a grin;

Parlay this money Honey

and Ship her Agin'!

B. Wildered, B. Wildered

I pity your lust!

You must have a problem

On the things that you trust.

Get a day job

and get out of that loft.

There's more to life,

Consider the cost.

If you've widowed your wife

and lost all your friends,

Your Love for "Lit'l Miss"

Surely MUST END...

So keep all you winnings

and do what you need

and if you want my advice---

"Keep her to Breed".

            Signed: Dear Abby

My Abby, Dear Abby,

I did what you said,

I pooled your twenty bucks 

and she flew head to head.

It was just a short race

right at 200 miles.

When she cleared the trees here

My face was all smiles.

The next race was fast

was 300 or so.

I parlayed your money

and she brought in the dough.

The 400 came up

she came Second to One.

She Lost to a Cock!

The One I bet on.

So Abby, Dear Abby,

My Loves' still entwined.

"Lit'l Miss" is special

but her son is "Devine".

So Abby I ADVISE YOU

from the Fancier you've met,

Seek some help for your problem

and WATCH HOW YOU BET!

 

 

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Finer Pigeon Sale

 

 

CLASSIFRIED ADS:

    Due to the "Lack of Interest" that by birds seem to have about coming back to "My Loft" I have decided to let go of some of my "Finer Birds".

1. AU 02 FBI 006 BB HEN...I paid too much for this birds parents, not to receive something from her for my time of caring and breeding.  She was an early hatch and a late comer.  Her bloodline is longer than my arm and I have more papers on her than I do my truck.  She showed great potential on her first toss, she was 1st out of the crate...now, if you "Finer", please send me anything you might think she's worth.

2. AU 02 FBI 007 BB HEN...This bird is nest mate to #1 and again with the same blood and paper works.  However, this hen did show some very good signs of being a good racer.  She was always 1st in for the feedings, normally because she was still in the loft,( she appeared to be scared of flying).  But, on the first toss (unlike her sister) she was the last one out of the crate.  Due to her fear of flying I had to pick the crate up and shake her out of it.  But, she did not even circle after she took off, she went directly toward the sun, which was in the opposite direction of the loft, but that was against a strong head wind. She did make it home on the day...then flew another five miles to trap in someone elses loft.  Now, I can't catch the bird to take her out training.  She hides.  If you care to purchase her, just come by some time and "Finer" and she's yours for a nickel, I figure the band is worth that much.

3. AU 99 FBI 4950 BC HEN.  This pigeon has never been in the clock in it's life, in fact, it has never been in race time (Traps Good)

4. AU 99 FBI 4951 BC COCK.  This hen has been kept for stock, because it has had arthritis since it was young, in my opinion No's 3 & 4 should not be separated. (Good Loft Bird).

5. AU 00 FBI 6990 BC COCK.  Bred from No's 1 & 2. This bird has been hand fed since it was a youngster. (Good Home Wanted).

6. AU 98 FBI 3260 DC WF HEN. This bird has been on loan to a friend, pity he didn't keep it longer, best performance, 4th to loft next morning off 50 mile toss. (Pretty Pedigree Paper).

7. AU 02 FBI 1717 BB COCK.  This bird has many positions, sometimes it positions itself on top of the door, sometimes on the water trough, and sometimes on the back of the loft. ( This bird is a Gem)

8. AU 00 FBI 3625 RC HEN.  This bird is very tame and with lots of patience will learn to fly, must have bottom nest box when paired. (Has Great EyeSign...she has both of them).

9. AU 02 FBI 1202 WHITE.  One violet eye, has tendency to fly to the right.  Always comes back over, if you wait long enough. (Another Gem)

10. AU 92 FBI 2110 CB COCK...My favorite Cock given to me by my nearest racing partner.  He told me the bird would surely breed me some Finer birds.  Daddy and Granddaddy to #3, #4, #6, #7, #9  listed above.  When he was racing my partner told me that he was 1st on every race he flew.  Later I found out that he was only flown in One Bird Derbys and was 1st being listed on the pool sheet (never won money). I think my partner spent more on pools than he did on birds. I gave this cock to my wife and she wouldn't allow me to cull him for years.  Now I can let the bird go to anyone who wants to ask my wife for the papers, if you can "Finer".

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“Super 4110”

 

Every mornin’ in the loft you could see his bright eyes

He stood taller than others, very smart and wise.

There was something about him that no man knew

It appeared in his face and in the strength that he flew.

 

His father was a Champ from the way men talked.

Never knew his mother but she was kin to a hawk.

Out of the coop he flew fast and hard.

He watched over the loft and the entire yard.

 

He was quite and calm as he stood on the perch

But he would go out of the trap like he was on a search.

He wouldn’t fly with the team he would rise far above

Glaring down like an eagle, knowing what was.

 

Then one day, you’ll not believe what I tell

Locking wings he dove like a bat out of hell.

I thought something knocked him out of the sky

But what really happened you'll think a lie.

 

From the corner of my eye I saw my team disperse

Flying every direction and something even worse.

In the top of the tree I saw a hawk make a move

It opened its wings, toward a blue bar it flew.

 

The blue bar's expression was she’d flown too far

This hawk was about to seriously cross her bars.

 

Then suddenly my big bird came into the scene,

He was diving fast and really looking mean.

The hen was surely on her last breath

Cause the hawk raised his claws to deliver the death.

 

Feathers flew out in every direction

It looked to me like a three way connection.

Jaws and claws and pause in the air

  Time stood still and there was nothing fair.

 

I thought the blue bar hen was mangled

                 And my big bird gone

And you probably won’t believe the thing

That I saw going on.

 

The hen she made it, she fell out of the pack

In a tumble at first, and always looking back.

The hawk was falling with big bird on his neck.

I knew there was going to be a deadly wreck.

 

The hawk screamed out just before hitting the ground

And big bird let go without making a sound.

I never had a pigeon attack a hawk!

But I could tell who won by hearing the squawk.

 

With feathers flying 'bout where the hawk laid dead

Big bird had landed only shaking his head.

The hen didn’t trap she took to wing

She flew over to big bird and here is the thing.

 

O' big bird that day took care of the team

And that hen's still with him, in love it would seem.

I’m still stunned but I'm wearing a grin

After naming that big bird “Super Forty One Ten”

   

He's flying every day with that hen by his wing.

  I tell this story with joy, so happy I could sing.

I don't race this Cock, I keep him around for smiles.

If he entered a race he would be killing hawks for miles.

So I built a big box out there in my pen

For that little blue bar and "Super Forty One Ten".

 

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A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times,
approaches a well dressed gentleman outside the local feed store.
"Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend
it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?"
asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at the pigeon auction would you?"
asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't have pigeons."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for
a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are
heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of
him.
"Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at
your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see
what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or fly pigeons."

 

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